All the words and words and words and words in the previous post? They're now being zenned out by this dude. Ajahn Chah. I started reading the collection of his Dharma talks, Being Dharma: The Essence of Buddha's Teachings.
Holy vegan macaroni. My whole worldview is being transformed. I'm a rookie in this department, but I'm a fan. Not that I'm going to run off to try and find enlightenment and nirvana. I don't have time for that. Nor do I have any desire to subscribe fully to any one religion. But Ajahn Chah explains the Buddhist practice in such simple terms that it is almost moronic not to apply them to your life and the situations that are thrown at you. I'm trying and it's hard. I'm hitting and missing; just can't always control the crazy. But the overall message and idea is sound and one I'm going to keep working to incorporate in my life.
Go forth. Read it. That's about all I can say without totally kooking out.
In other news, how impressive am I to make two posts within a week?
Here's a story: I took Monday off to sit and read at the beach and work through m'brain; needed a mental health day. Woke up with a few nuts still loose, refreshed myself with some pages from Ajahn Chah, and zenfully grooved out the door to catch my train back to Ulsan. I was jamming to some toons in the subway when the oldest ajusshi I've ever seen tapped me smack on my head said "Pep" and pointed to my feet. Obviously, I have no idea what he was actually saying or referring to. But I'd like to assume he was telling me I had pep in my step. I was sassyin' along to my music.
...It's definitely going to be hard to go back to living in a place where I understand everything that's being said and can't just turn it into whatever I want...
Here's to Anjahn Chah and peppy steps.
5.08.2012
5.03.2012
Goodbyes from amazing people, cameo lovers, Matty and ink
Goodbyes...They are beginning. Or ending. Or both. Or...hmm.
Somehow I ended up creating a family with people who all arrived around the same time as me. And now they are all beginning to leave. Two down, a handful more to go. I'll be the last man standing, along with my two of my most lovely ladies, who are luckily heading to Bali with me. I'll say goodbye to one after that, and continue on with the other throughout SE Asia. I'll say goodbye to her at the end of August before I embark on Sri Lanka alone.
Alone at the end of a 16 month adventure just hit me. Might not have planned that one well....
I mean. I get teary eyed ending a three week vacation, what in flippin' tar-nation am I going to do in two months when I throw my last peace sign at this land after living here for 13 months? It's not the land I'm going to miss, though. Korea, as a destination, was hit and miss this year. All the hits came from the people I have fallen in love with. My experience here has been baaaaallin' thanks to them. And now I have to accept that I'll likely never see most of them again. A few, sure, perhaps on future travels together (because at the very least, I know that these people will continue seeing the world, as will I), but for the most part, let's be honest: we've got Facebook.
I'm trying to let the universe do her thang, but the bittersweet'ness of this is all compounded by the fact that I have been seeing and investing time in one beautiful, veganly cooking, ridiculous pun-telling, lovely tattoo'd, finely pierced, genuine and kind Irishman (this is legitimately what I call him, I might not actually know his name). So not only am I anxiously transitioning my life in two months by peacing out of the country and adios'ing my friends, I've now also gotta au revior someone who's infiltrated m'heart. A cameo-lover, if you will. Alas, the end is nigh, yall. Soooo dang nigh. For friendships and cameo-lovers alike.
Brain. Implosion.
In any case, what I'm doing in my brain right now as the 59 day countdown closes in is 1) freaking, and 2) making it a lesson: gotta go with the flow, take the things/people/animals/etc the universe throws at me, relish in them, love them up, down and all around, and be able to let them go. Momma's gotta get a hold on that free spirit, because I sho' am making plans for my future that keep me from settling down any time'ish.
What I've learned from this lesson-I-am-learning-and-trying-harder-to-learn is that I am basically always surrounded by incredibles. They rock. I've invested in a lot of time, emotion, and love into them all, as they have with me. Whatever happens with us all, happens, and that's cool because what we have is fucking awesome shared experiences together, always with the potential for more down the road. I'm gonna guess this isn't the only batch of incredibles thrown at me by the universe. There will be more. And I'm going to fearlessly embrace the hell out of them, too.
People. I'm loving them all (but I haven't forgotten the animals. I REALLY LOVE THOSE, TOO).
Remember when my blogs were clever and funny and about things? I think I remember telling a tale or two. Now it's just crazy-brain ramblings. Might be time to sign off and actually start a journal.
But if I did that, I wouldn't be able to share THIS:
And...my new ink! I've been wanting this for years, to cover up the dumb meaningless thing I got when I was 18 that my mom hated. So now, finally 11 years later, I have something that I think is beautiful. It was an amazing experience, too, all underground (some vague legalities about tattoos in Korea), and the man who did it is a straight up artist; this bad boy was free-handed:
And this is that and that is that.
Somehow I ended up creating a family with people who all arrived around the same time as me. And now they are all beginning to leave. Two down, a handful more to go. I'll be the last man standing, along with my two of my most lovely ladies, who are luckily heading to Bali with me. I'll say goodbye to one after that, and continue on with the other throughout SE Asia. I'll say goodbye to her at the end of August before I embark on Sri Lanka alone.
Alone at the end of a 16 month adventure just hit me. Might not have planned that one well....
I mean. I get teary eyed ending a three week vacation, what in flippin' tar-nation am I going to do in two months when I throw my last peace sign at this land after living here for 13 months? It's not the land I'm going to miss, though. Korea, as a destination, was hit and miss this year. All the hits came from the people I have fallen in love with. My experience here has been baaaaallin' thanks to them. And now I have to accept that I'll likely never see most of them again. A few, sure, perhaps on future travels together (because at the very least, I know that these people will continue seeing the world, as will I), but for the most part, let's be honest: we've got Facebook.
I'm trying to let the universe do her thang, but the bittersweet'ness of this is all compounded by the fact that I have been seeing and investing time in one beautiful, veganly cooking, ridiculous pun-telling, lovely tattoo'd, finely pierced, genuine and kind Irishman (this is legitimately what I call him, I might not actually know his name). So not only am I anxiously transitioning my life in two months by peacing out of the country and adios'ing my friends, I've now also gotta au revior someone who's infiltrated m'heart. A cameo-lover, if you will. Alas, the end is nigh, yall. Soooo dang nigh. For friendships and cameo-lovers alike.
Brain. Implosion.
In any case, what I'm doing in my brain right now as the 59 day countdown closes in is 1) freaking, and 2) making it a lesson: gotta go with the flow, take the things/people/animals/etc the universe throws at me, relish in them, love them up, down and all around, and be able to let them go. Momma's gotta get a hold on that free spirit, because I sho' am making plans for my future that keep me from settling down any time'ish.
What I've learned from this lesson-I-am-learning-and-trying-harder-to-learn is that I am basically always surrounded by incredibles. They rock. I've invested in a lot of time, emotion, and love into them all, as they have with me. Whatever happens with us all, happens, and that's cool because what we have is fucking awesome shared experiences together, always with the potential for more down the road. I'm gonna guess this isn't the only batch of incredibles thrown at me by the universe. There will be more. And I'm going to fearlessly embrace the hell out of them, too.
People. I'm loving them all (but I haven't forgotten the animals. I REALLY LOVE THOSE, TOO).
Remember when my blogs were clever and funny and about things? I think I remember telling a tale or two. Now it's just crazy-brain ramblings. Might be time to sign off and actually start a journal.
But if I did that, I wouldn't be able to share THIS:
 | ||
| Matty lives in Cali now! That's his "Pimpin' ain't easy" look. |
And...my new ink! I've been wanting this for years, to cover up the dumb meaningless thing I got when I was 18 that my mom hated. So now, finally 11 years later, I have something that I think is beautiful. It was an amazing experience, too, all underground (some vague legalities about tattoos in Korea), and the man who did it is a straight up artist; this bad boy was free-handed:
 |
| feel totally weird posting my torso on the web. feel weirder posting just how pink my bathroom tile is. |
And this is that and that is that.
3.25.2012
Things be happening. And that's how I feel about that.
In no particular order:
1) I have 2 1/2 months left in Korea. I'm not sure how I feel about that.
2) I have 6 countries mapped out for this summers adventure, including stints with an elephant orphanage, buddhist monks, and a sea turtle conservation project. I feel exciiiiiited about that.
3) I have 1 more full week with Matty-pants before he goes home to his new family in California. I feel happysadhappy about that.
4) I have finally begun a long awaited ink/art project and it is looking b.e.a.utiful. I feel badass about that.
5) I have met someone interesting who I have (astoundingly) been making time for...at the end of my time here. I feel sort of absurd (but happy) about that.
6) I have a solid gig lined up for the 90 days I am allowing myself in Dallas when I return in October. I feel relieved about that.
7) I'm various percentages of certain about what I'll be doing after those 90 days in Dallas. I'm 100% certain whatever it is will be located somewhere interesting in the world. I feel open minded about that.
8) I've almost completely mastered vegan eating, give or take one or two malfunctions with dessert/coffee treats per month. I feel healthy about that.
9) I have never been more certain about my decision to quit Omni, as my new gig at TLC has proven incredible. I feel every good feeling in the world about that.
10) This is my first Sunday at home in Ulsan in 5 weeks.. I feel like I should have nap....about that.
1) I have 2 1/2 months left in Korea. I'm not sure how I feel about that.
2) I have 6 countries mapped out for this summers adventure, including stints with an elephant orphanage, buddhist monks, and a sea turtle conservation project. I feel exciiiiiited about that.
3) I have 1 more full week with Matty-pants before he goes home to his new family in California. I feel happysadhappy about that.
4) I have finally begun a long awaited ink/art project and it is looking b.e.a.utiful. I feel badass about that.
5) I have met someone interesting who I have (astoundingly) been making time for...at the end of my time here. I feel sort of absurd (but happy) about that.
6) I have a solid gig lined up for the 90 days I am allowing myself in Dallas when I return in October. I feel relieved about that.
7) I'm various percentages of certain about what I'll be doing after those 90 days in Dallas. I'm 100% certain whatever it is will be located somewhere interesting in the world. I feel open minded about that.
8) I've almost completely mastered vegan eating, give or take one or two malfunctions with dessert/coffee treats per month. I feel healthy about that.
9) I have never been more certain about my decision to quit Omni, as my new gig at TLC has proven incredible. I feel every good feeling in the world about that.
10) This is my first Sunday at home in Ulsan in 5 weeks.. I feel like I should have nap....about that.
 |
| happenings |
2.22.2012
2.01.2012
Exactly yes, exactly right
My future sister-in-law sent this to me last week, and I keep going back to it. It's perfect, it's exactly yes, it's exactly right.
Before I came to Korea there were all these questions about uprooting my life at 28, when I should be looking to settle down. These questions were annoying, but I was more confused about why anyone cared so much. I was living in Dallas, a city very obsessed with very frivolous things; social status, plastic surgery, high heels and 'finding a man' (did you know that life can't begin until you find 'the one?'). To be honest, I did get caught up in this on occasion, which was infuriating, because it felt all wrong. It confused me to be that concerned over things I wasn't that concerned about that I was 'supposed' to be really concerned about. <--also confused and concerned about that sentence.
I'd been there already. I'd had two men, two loves, 7 consecutive years worth of dependence and confused identity. Both were millimeters away from marriage, before the age of 28, before I could possibly have had a clue about what I wanted for my life (I was a late bloomer in the 'Who am I?' department; losing a mama at 19 can stagnate you). My destiny in both of those relationships was to become an affluent stay at home housewife, which is what way too many women dream about and think they want. It took me too long to realize that I would have been absolutely bored to tears. It's not what I want for myself at the moment. I'm lucky to have realized that in time.
I preach about this a lot, and am asked in various flabbergasting ways, But don't you want to find the one? What about your soulmate?'
Dudes. I have found the one(s). I have a handful of soulmates, near and far. Those that I talk to every day, those that I email every two months, those that I see every 5 years...no matter how large or small their role in my life, no matter how they came into my life, they add value to it and make it better, and I've been affected and impacted hugely simply by having the pleasure of knowing them. Their love and support is just an added bonus. Isn't that what meaningful relationships are?
The article focuses on female relationships, and I definitely concur with the strength that comes from those, particularly when in close proximity having shared experiences (E.g., me and my ladies here Ulsan), but I personally attribute the same sentiments to several of my male and female and especially familial relationships (Old Man Pops and M'bro).
My favorite, super empowering snippet from the author:
The Wrinklies weren’t spinsters or old maids and they were not “failures” in any way. They were free. It was I who failed to see them, until later, for who they really were: educated, hugely intelligent, fascinating, financially independent. Women who led rich lives full of meaningful work, deep and lasting friendship, sex when they wanted it, time with the beloved children of their family and friends, conversations about politics and art and literature, culture, travel to remarkable destinations where they did not journey as unconscious tourists but as guests in people’s homes and hearts. Despite these full lives they owned their own time, they owned their days. I did not. I was too busy trying to find someone who would spend the days with me, as if this would validate my presence in the world.
Validate your own presence in this world, my friends, and enhance that presence with the incredible friends and soulmates that already surround you. And welcome more into your life, for as long as you live. And for crying out loud, count your flippin' blessings and don't lose perspective. What's important is what you already have. Enjoy it, bathe in it, roll around in it.
Might as well top this off with a resounding "and save the animals."
Amen.
Before I came to Korea there were all these questions about uprooting my life at 28, when I should be looking to settle down. These questions were annoying, but I was more confused about why anyone cared so much. I was living in Dallas, a city very obsessed with very frivolous things; social status, plastic surgery, high heels and 'finding a man' (did you know that life can't begin until you find 'the one?'). To be honest, I did get caught up in this on occasion, which was infuriating, because it felt all wrong. It confused me to be that concerned over things I wasn't that concerned about that I was 'supposed' to be really concerned about. <--also confused and concerned about that sentence.
I'd been there already. I'd had two men, two loves, 7 consecutive years worth of dependence and confused identity. Both were millimeters away from marriage, before the age of 28, before I could possibly have had a clue about what I wanted for my life (I was a late bloomer in the 'Who am I?' department; losing a mama at 19 can stagnate you). My destiny in both of those relationships was to become an affluent stay at home housewife, which is what way too many women dream about and think they want. It took me too long to realize that I would have been absolutely bored to tears. It's not what I want for myself at the moment. I'm lucky to have realized that in time.
I preach about this a lot, and am asked in various flabbergasting ways, But don't you want to find the one? What about your soulmate?'
Dudes. I have found the one(s). I have a handful of soulmates, near and far. Those that I talk to every day, those that I email every two months, those that I see every 5 years...no matter how large or small their role in my life, no matter how they came into my life, they add value to it and make it better, and I've been affected and impacted hugely simply by having the pleasure of knowing them. Their love and support is just an added bonus. Isn't that what meaningful relationships are?
The article focuses on female relationships, and I definitely concur with the strength that comes from those, particularly when in close proximity having shared experiences (E.g., me and my ladies here Ulsan), but I personally attribute the same sentiments to several of my male and female and especially familial relationships (Old Man Pops and M'bro).
My favorite, super empowering snippet from the author:
The Wrinklies weren’t spinsters or old maids and they were not “failures” in any way. They were free. It was I who failed to see them, until later, for who they really were: educated, hugely intelligent, fascinating, financially independent. Women who led rich lives full of meaningful work, deep and lasting friendship, sex when they wanted it, time with the beloved children of their family and friends, conversations about politics and art and literature, culture, travel to remarkable destinations where they did not journey as unconscious tourists but as guests in people’s homes and hearts. Despite these full lives they owned their own time, they owned their days. I did not. I was too busy trying to find someone who would spend the days with me, as if this would validate my presence in the world.
Validate your own presence in this world, my friends, and enhance that presence with the incredible friends and soulmates that already surround you. And welcome more into your life, for as long as you live. And for crying out loud, count your flippin' blessings and don't lose perspective. What's important is what you already have. Enjoy it, bathe in it, roll around in it.
Might as well top this off with a resounding "and save the animals."
Amen.
1.28.2012
...dare I trek it alone?
My travel lady and I mapped out our SE Asia conquests today. Things look good and we are panda-amped. However, it turns out I still have a whole month to fill on my own.
Originally, my other travel lady and I were going to meet in Nepal to trek Annapurna during that month. Alas, her new life plan to attend clown school (excuse me, physical theater school) has interrupted our trip, and it's all on me now. I fully support and high five her new direction, so it ain't no thang, and luckily I really enjoy traveling solo, however... if I find myself in Nepal, that hot mama Annapurna would be right in front of me, all enticing and appealing and stuff. "Come hike me, little girl," she would say, irresistibly. How could I say no? Just look at her!
As if she weren't magical enough, turns out her name in Sanskrit means "bestower of food in great quantities." I. Must. Go.
It's just that...I trip a lot, especially going up. Something about not picking up my feet or whatever. It would be really sad if I cracked my teeth off my face from a fall and no one was there to laugh and cry with me over it. You really need a friend in situations like those to help find your missing teeth. And there's the other obvious, rational potential problems to consider when it comes to a multi-day trek, like getting lost (I get lost in my own apartment most of the time), sick, murdered, blah blah. I'm not sure I have the plums to go it alone, but the desire to see the magic is po-tent....there's a legit debate inside my brain, unwise as it may be.
Deeeee-cisions.
Originally, my other travel lady and I were going to meet in Nepal to trek Annapurna during that month. Alas, her new life plan to attend clown school (excuse me, physical theater school) has interrupted our trip, and it's all on me now. I fully support and high five her new direction, so it ain't no thang, and luckily I really enjoy traveling solo, however... if I find myself in Nepal, that hot mama Annapurna would be right in front of me, all enticing and appealing and stuff. "Come hike me, little girl," she would say, irresistibly. How could I say no? Just look at her!
As if she weren't magical enough, turns out her name in Sanskrit means "bestower of food in great quantities." I. Must. Go.
It's just that...I trip a lot, especially going up. Something about not picking up my feet or whatever. It would be really sad if I cracked my teeth off my face from a fall and no one was there to laugh and cry with me over it. You really need a friend in situations like those to help find your missing teeth. And there's the other obvious, rational potential problems to consider when it comes to a multi-day trek, like getting lost (I get lost in my own apartment most of the time), sick, murdered, blah blah. I'm not sure I have the plums to go it alone, but the desire to see the magic is po-tent....there's a legit debate inside my brain, unwise as it may be.
Deeeee-cisions.
1.25.2012
Korea finally WOW'ed me
We went to Gangwan-do Province, near the DMZ border in Sokcho for Lunar New Year. We were looking for a snowy, winter wonderland, and a warm cottage with wine and awesomery. And holy shit. We found it in a major way.
My ladies and I decided to hike Ulsan Bawi, part of Mt. Seoraksan. We were ill prepared. At least, I was. For whatever reason, I packed pajamas for the whole weekend. My thought was "it's gonna be cold, I should be fuzzy and snuggly!" I'm dumb. I sho' did bust out the ol' cozy sundress and fuzzy pants for a seriously snowy, steep, and slippery hike. I mean, I was warm, and I managed to be one of the last ladies standing on ice. But Jesus Taliban, Korea is affecting my style. I don't think I had much to begin with, but I've recently found myself taking 'fashion faux pas' to another level.
Anyway.
It was supposed to be a 2 hour hike up, but we professional hikers like to pause for snowball fights, sandwiches, and photo montages. It took something like 5 hours. Going down was easy; we sledded down on our butts almost the entire way. Snow enemas!
We also almost died from a roof avalanche, and I learned that if you are ever trapped in snow, you should drool (or spit) so you know which way is up. Releasing other bodily functions will help, also. Whatever you let out of yourself, gravity will pull it down so you know to dig the opposite way. FYI.
I've never seen so much snow! I've never been so soaking wet from so much snow. I've never had so much fun. Hands down, best day in Korea. Or, hands up. Praise Korea!
The next day we bebopped down a valley to check out Biryon Falls aka Narnia. NARNIA. I was also allowed to borrow real clothes. I have good friends. Or, I embarrass good friends. Either/or.
It's good to finally know there is at least one place in Korea that can take your breath away. Sadly, it still gets infiltrated:
Happy Lunar New Year! Here's the usual collage o' events:
My ladies and I decided to hike Ulsan Bawi, part of Mt. Seoraksan. We were ill prepared. At least, I was. For whatever reason, I packed pajamas for the whole weekend. My thought was "it's gonna be cold, I should be fuzzy and snuggly!" I'm dumb. I sho' did bust out the ol' cozy sundress and fuzzy pants for a seriously snowy, steep, and slippery hike. I mean, I was warm, and I managed to be one of the last ladies standing on ice. But Jesus Taliban, Korea is affecting my style. I don't think I had much to begin with, but I've recently found myself taking 'fashion faux pas' to another level.
Anyway.
It was supposed to be a 2 hour hike up, but we professional hikers like to pause for snowball fights, sandwiches, and photo montages. It took something like 5 hours. Going down was easy; we sledded down on our butts almost the entire way. Snow enemas!
We also almost died from a roof avalanche, and I learned that if you are ever trapped in snow, you should drool (or spit) so you know which way is up. Releasing other bodily functions will help, also. Whatever you let out of yourself, gravity will pull it down so you know to dig the opposite way. FYI.
 |
| ready'ish to hike |
 |
| fashion adviiiice? |
 |
| Ulsan Bawi - we hit the top o' that mother |
 |
| antics |
 |
| yep |
I've never seen so much snow! I've never been so soaking wet from so much snow. I've never had so much fun. Hands down, best day in Korea. Or, hands up. Praise Korea!
The next day we bebopped down a valley to check out Biryon Falls aka Narnia. NARNIA. I was also allowed to borrow real clothes. I have good friends. Or, I embarrass good friends. Either/or.
It's good to finally know there is at least one place in Korea that can take your breath away. Sadly, it still gets infiltrated:
Happy Lunar New Year! Here's the usual collage o' events:
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